(Still) Home for the Holidays: Making the Most of the Spirit of the Season On and Off-Screen

5:00 Exploring one of the most pressing questions on parents’ minds, “how can we keep kids from spending their winter break attached to a screen?” Dr. Laura Markham, Editor of Aha! Parenting, explains how being a great role model, creating a schedule, and involving kids in the discussion can be key in minimizing screen time and maximizing family time during the holiday season. Dr. Kathy Hirsh-Pasek, Faculty Fellow at Temple University, chimes in to say that giving children something analog to do before their screen time commences, is a good rule of thumb. Dr. Markham also recommends motivational interviewing – asking open-ended questions about your child’s goals for the day. Julianna Miner, Adjunct Faculty in the Global and Community Health Department at George Mason University, suggests encouraging older kids to practice “adulting” by doing laundry, cooking, and cleaning.

21:45 The panelists share their ideas for fun, family-oriented, offline activities to enjoy the break together as a family. A video demonstrating how to make a snow globe produced by PBS Kids is shown (watch the full video here:    • DIY Snow Globe | Crafts for Kids | PB…  ). Well known digital media researcher Dr. Larry Rosen, explains his favorite family tradition making gingerbread houses; and, panelists’ family members illustrate creative activities.

49:00 Turning to holiday gift lists, the panel then shares several experiential, special presents for children, including outdoor entertainment options such as trampolines and basketball hoops, musical options such as Spotify subscriptions and ukuleles, as well as building and art supplies. Arlene Pellicane, Host of the Happy Home Podcast, shares the unique gift idea of day-to-day coupons. For example, give your child an ice cream date coupon or a breakfast-in-bed coupon or even one that gives kids a day off of chores.

1:05:25 As families plan and broker schedules, goals, and screen time guidelines for the winter holidays, how can they differentiate between good and bad screen time? To answer this question, Dr. Hirsh-Pasek begins by noting how screens are, foremost, tools to help us navigate the world. The panel encourages parents to ask their children how they feel about the outcome of their screen time- is it supporting any of their goals or giving them opportunities to spend time with friends or family? If so, this is screen time that should be scheduled into a daily routine; if not, it should be limited.

1:12:30 The panel highlights specific advice for parents of children in each distinct age group. For little children, Dr. Hirsh-Pasek reminds parents to encourage exploration; and, Dr. Markham recommends “strewing”- leaving fun activities and objects around the house that kids can find and enjoy. Miner comments on the recent increase in teen self-reported depression and anxiety, often directly connected to screen time and social media and emphasizes the importance of sleep. She notes that one rule on which she will not allow any leniency is no screens in the bedroom.  

Each of our esteemed panelists shares her favorite holiday traditions and reminds us how this season offers so many opportunities for connection, joy, and happiness – even if this year looks a little different.

Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra

Welcome everyone! Happy Hanukkah, and in the east coast, it’s looking like a happy snow day. Thank you for joining us for Children and Screens Institute of Child Development Special “Holiday: Ask the Experts Webinar.” I am Dr. Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra, president and founder of Children and Screens, the host of this series. Our panel of experts will discuss all the ways you can make the most of this holiday season at home. Exciting ideas for spending time with the family, inspired gift options, and how to be mindful about your family’s screen time. Our panelists have reviewed the questions you submitted, and will answer as many as possible. If you have additional questions during the workshop, please type them into the QnA box at the bottom of your screen, and indicate whether or not you’d like to ask the question live on camera if time permits or if you would prefer that the moderator read your question. We are recording today’s workshop and hope to upload a video to YouTube in the coming days. All registrants will receive a link to our youtube channel, where you’ll find videos from our past webinars as well. It is now my great pleasure to introduce our moderator. Jessica Hartschorn has been entertainment editor of Parents Magazine, part of Meredith Publishing, for seven years. For the first four of those years, she was simultaneously the senior lifestyle editor of American Baby Magazine. Her current job, a combination of beats she has long covered and skills she’s had to learn, include celebrity covers, following the toy industry, and the baby care market, home and finance stories, and writing about home tech in addition to a few other subjects. Welcome Jessica! 

Jessica Hartschorn 

Thank you so much I’m so excited to be here! We have had quite a year, correct? 

Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra 

Absolutely 

Jessica Hartschorn 

and I’m excited to talk about the holidays; it has been a long nine months for all of us trying to navigate the un-navigable, right? There’s been a lot of together time with our families for better and also a little bit for worse because some things felt really odd the start of school was completely different, Halloween was tough to pull off like we usually do, we had to cancel trips, we’ve had no kid birthday parties but the good news is the holidays the winter holidays is specifically the December holidays are very home focused right and so the decorations we put up and the things we bake and the holiday songs we play can all be pretty much as usual and those traditions are very comforting and very sweet and we’re going to try and lean into that this year and also give you tips to make the holiday special when we are in fact still home for the holidays, as this is called. What is missing this year is again any travel or seeing the larger family but that doesn’t mean that this has to be a wasted winter break; we’re gonna be going strong we’re– staring at our separate screens because there’s been too much of that already we want this winter break to be a little more fun and memorable and as sweet as it can be and I have an amazing group to talk to today about all this,  I’ll introduce I guess one at a time and have them start their videos. Arlene Pellicane is a nationally-known speaker and an author; her books include Screen Kids,  Grandparenting Screen Kids, and she has a podcast called Happy Home so welcome Arlene! and then we have hello! There’s Arlene with the festive candy-canes. We have Juliana Miner. She is also an author and the writer and founder of Rants from Mommyland which is a blog that we love at Parents Magazine. She’s also an adjunct professor of global and community health of George Mason University which I did not know until today and on Instagram she’s @mommyrants she is super fun to follow and then we have Dr. Laura Markham here a clinical psychologist who’s the author of Peaceful Parent Happy Kids: how to stop yelling and start connecting and Dr. Laura Markham is a clinical psychologist and her website is ahaparenting.com where she has a lot of great advice and tips. And lastly our fourth panelist is Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek. She is a researcher in the field of child psychology and development at she’s at Temple University and she’s also at the Brookings Institution she has just nationally-renowned research in the development of early language and literacy is the author of fourteen bucks and hundreds of publication so I am so excited as a journalist mostly I like to ask other people questions more than I like to talk and the big question that I have having a 15 year old son and also an 18 year old daughter is how how can we keep the kids just from spending this entire winter break on their screens? How can we I mean we’re not going to eliminate screen time we’re not crazy but how can we sort of pull away from that a little bit and make this more of a family break and I’m going to start with Dr. Laura Markham as our first answer to this question. 

Dr. Laura Markham 

Okay well this is the question that every parent is wondering at this moment as they head into the winter break obviously and I think the first thing for parents to remember is that we are the role models. We are on our screens the whole time; if we expect to work, they’re gonna be on their screens, there’s no way around it. So I think parents first have to take some time off you know work is during this pandemic has encroached on everything so we’re working at home meaning we’re always at work right so we need to be putting work back in its box and committing to being there with the family being present and not being our screens all the time that’s number one. The second is that if you don’t have a schedule screens will just take over the time then every moment becomes a power struggle about whether you’re going to be on a screen or not your child is going to be on the screen or not so if you make a schedule you at least have a possibility that you’ll follow that schedule instead of being on screens all the time and I think the adults have to get in sync first with each other about what’s ideal you know maybe every day at four o’clock the kids can watch something but before that certain things are going to happen maybe we’re all going to do a family activity together maybe we’re all going to go outside together maybe we’re always going to have a family dance party first thing in the morning after breakfast which segues into the house clean up you know whatever the adults decide should happen obviously you have to exercise that leadership but then you have to enroll your kid and I call it motivational interviewing which is a famous technique to help people resolve their own ambivalence you know I’d like to stop smoking but how do I do that if I really don’t want to stop smoking a motivational interviewer would help you discover the reasons to stop smoking and maybe how we can do it we can use that with our kids about screens so if you have a child who wants to be on screens you might be asking questions like at the end of the holidays when you look back on January 4th that Monday morning what would you like to have happen? Let’s brainstorm: maybe they want to paint their room maybe they want to learn to make lasagna maybe they really don’t want to do anything except play Minecraft with their friends on screen but you can say I get it you know that you really want to play Minecraft tell me the good things about playing Minecraft tell me the bad things about playing Minecraft to the exclusion of all else so if the parent can listen and reflect well it sounds like you would like it if your room got cleaned up finally sounds like you would actually like some help from your dad to build that book case you’ve been talking about you know then she answer more likely to be enrolled in the schedule so it’s a state of being the leader but also enrolling kids before kids are willing to let go of their screens to that degree 

Jessica Hartschorn 

That is great advice and I will add that I had to look up how to turn off notifications I did figure it out and that is an important thing for me to do as a parent because I really will check notifications coming up I will check my phone I do like the idea of asking kids like The Bucket List thing like I often ask before vacation back we have vacation like what is the one thing you want to have done just tell me one thing you want to do on break and we’ll try to make that happen. Dr. Kathy Hirsh-Pasek do you have some other advice for not staying on our screens on break? 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek 

Well thanks for asking in first thing is I’d like to congratulate all the parents out there I think what you have done in the past 9 months is nothing short of herculean and I’ve watched it up close and personal and sometimes from far I don’t know how you’re doing it and how you’re juggling it oh my gosh so here are some things that we’ve done to get off those screens I started thinking of screens a little bit like dessert that is I know that they’re really fun and I know that you really want them and sometimes I know you have to be there for school and for younger kids honestly I think online schooling is an oxymoron but putting that aside for the moment what did you do would you give your kids dessert for dinner I mean they wanted it so shouldn’t you do it? Of course not you say first you have to eat your veggies and I think that’s kind of what Laura was telling us let’s try to think of something else you have to do and let that be the reward so what did we do in our house well we had kitchen music omigosh you should hear kitchen music did you know pots and pans with wooden spoons together with clanking in the middle and clanking on the top you can create one heck of a band think about kitchen cooking ain’t yeah it’s a little messy depending on the age of a child but you should see what they can come up with sometimes the recipe she wouldn’t think about like putting peanut butter in the cantaloupe but they’re going to eat cantaloupe that way who cares? there’s scavenger hunt, did you know that you can do them indoors if you happen to live in a northern climate?  and we can just go around and we can paste pictures of find these things and then give our kids what we want them to find and they go all around the house it can take you a good twenty minutes maybe even 45 if you’re lucky to get them really excited about whether they can find everything that you put out their charades still a good family game so I think we can think of a lot of things if we just start dreaming and yes our kids drawings and our kids books sometimes they’re not going to make it onto the shelves of Barnes & Noble but that’s okay and in the video that I have to share I’ll show you in a little bit when a little kid writes her own story. 

Jessica Hartschorn

Alright thank you I think we are going to show that video in a minute when we go through all kinds of ideas for how we’re going to how we’re going to do this winter break without asking if I did by the way I figure it out I looked up how to turn off notifications it is on your phone under settings and notification at least it is on my iPhone and I have to remember to do that and also I was going to say the video you know oh yeah here come’s the video yeah let’s watch her make this book 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

This is a book that she created. It’s a story that she wrote. As you can see the yellow things they are the illustrations and um it only captures young Jules three year old attention for a few while but Ellie is just captured it’s her very own book mom typed it out and Ellie wrote the illustrations and there you have it her very own mystery book. 

Jessica Hartschorn 

So they did it together and she dictated in the mom the mom wrote out the words printed it out unless you do the illustrations it’s so cute 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek 

Yeah and you know you can even have some fun with it. You can add an author’s page and don’t forget to ask your little author what they want to say about themselves. It’s usually very interesting. 

Jessica Hartschorn 

I love these indoor ideas because during the summer I was definitely falling back on bike rides and Outdoors but living here in the north is not such an option. Something like a scavenger hunt or creating a book like this is definitely more doable. 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek 

There you go! 

Jessica Hartschorn 

Very cute! Arlene Pellicane do you have some more ideas for how we can not be on our screen with parents and kids during this break? 

Arlene Pellicane 

I think this is a great you could see the winter break as a reset you know kind of like usually it’s that oh let’s give them screen time because it’s a break from school but now it’s like wait a minute you’ve been on screen since March so maybe the Christmas break should be a time where we’re like hey why don’t we log off and throw snowballs or go outside whatever it is so you know thinking of the digital sabbath whether that’s on weeknights after 9 p.m. or whatever it is with the age of your kids you know we’re all going to get offline I say 9 p.m. for your teenagers but you know obviously for little ones after 6 p.m. we’re going to all go offline Mom and Dad included and we’re going to make that a habit maybe you’ll do that one night a week maybe you’ll do that every weekend you can challenge yourself and say could our family and this is for the parents of a 2 year old or 18 year old could we go let’s say all day Sunday without being plugged in like could we do it and an even just that you can call it you know holiday survival you know make it really fun but I think it’s a really good question to ask ourselves as adults because we’re the parents and in the sense that sometimes we give the screen because it’s like oh if they don’t have the screens they’re going to ask us what you want to do what do you want to do when you’re like I don’t do anything so get back on your screen so it’s a challenge for everybody whether you’re a teenager, parent, two year old hey let’s go screen free so I give you that screen free Saturday Challenger screen free sunday Challenge and see which of your it it’s a good indication because it’ll tell you which of your family members is the least addicted so to speak right and which of your family members really needs their technology so I think that’s a great thing and whether your kids are little or are old you can talk about freedom and frame it in you know do you have this freedom from needing the technology so it’s it’s a you know do you have to have it kind of question and then it’s also then it when you have that under control then you have freedom to do other things that’s like oh I don’t have to be scrolling on social media for 2 hours so sure I’ll go to the mall with your mom you know or I don’t have to be playing video games for 2 hours so you know what I’m good or not playing instrument you know so you can see in the background have just guitar on the wall to think where we play the piano but we don’t play the guitar but my husband bought it a few years ago to learn so we have it but none of us really play it  so my daughter who’s a freshman has talked about like oh maybe I’ll learn how to play the guitar so we’ve talked about what you have a little extra time during the break so that might be a good time and yes you’re going to pull up some YouTube videos to kind of see how to play the guitar so you can use screens think if you’re using them to create some to learn how-to and I love with Dr. Kathy said about the dessert and that’s something we talked about all the time is is this the digital vegetable something that’s good for you or is it digital candy something that just fun and you can tell the difference because they’re asking for the digital candy nobody’s asking like Mom can I just watch one more ted talk Dad I just need to watch that lecture one more time Mom I have just need that math equation I mean no one’s asking you will know right away so they cannot OD on digital vegetable is going to be there going to survive the school year just fine but the question is are they going to survive the extra video gaming the extra social media all those habits and the holiday break maybe just the time to test that.

Jessica Hartschorn 

That is so true and so funny to me and also relevant to us and I am not watching TED Talks. I’m scrolling Instagram so just trying to turn it around on myself too and be like can I cut back can I set that example Juliana Miner do you have anything to add for cutting back? 

Julianna Miner

you know I wanted to kind of just agree with what everyone else has said I have teenagers and when it’s really hard to get them off their phones enough gaming because it’s really their only social outlet right now and teenagers are so hard-wired to need that peer connection and I really want to keep him safe because covid-19 community spread is is such a big deal right now and so we are limiting it and I am trying to keep them focused on making things so when you had talked about being creative and because they’re older were also kind of framing it as adulting so you know getting laundry done getting things around the house done helping address and stamp envelopes it’s shocking the number of high school students that don’t know how to address an envelope you know and um the other thing that we are really embracing this winter it we recently moved we have dogs and we don’t have a fence so whether the weather is good or bad we are outside five times a day walking those dogs and it’s actually a thing in Scandinavian culture to just say there’s no such thing as bad weather there’s only bad preparation and being forced to be outside in all kinds of weather has meant that we had to gear up a little bit in terms of raincoats and comfy boots and it means we’re all more comfortable being outside all the time so even if it’s cloudy and gross I’m like go drop this at the mailbox go up to the post office and drop that off help me cook this thing especially over the holidays we have so many family traditions and we’re so isolated from family we’re trying to make The Seven Fishes you know I’ve never made all of them before if I’m going to do it this year those kids are going to help even if they don’t want to eat all of it they’re gonna help and so we’ve been enjoying that and we’ve been doing some playing cards people don’t play enough cards I feel like I’m going to really be preparing them well for you know life in college when you get bored sit down and play cards with your friends sit down and play cards with us listen to dumb music while you’re doing it I love the idea about the Guitar ukulele is easy it’s such a great present for a teen and they can get so much enjoyment out of it and you can make so much progress in terms of learning and you know getting songs under your belt on that instrument quickly you know we’re just having to get creative and and trying to really dig into the season um most schools are getting out this week which means there’s a lot of lead time up to Christmas if you celebrate it so I am going to be forcing my children to make gifts which I know they’ll really enjoy 

Jessica Hartschorn 

yeah I think we all you know if we’re on this webinar we share the desire to not really like let this one go by right we’ve done so much just surviving this year we got through the summer we’re getting through the weekends but we want to just enjoy enjoy this winter break it is kind of a rare opportunity to not have party obligations to not have travel obligations like we can we can make some memories here right let’s get some really just like some ideas we like actionable tips and ideas for you guys who wants to start let’s see I think Arlene you have a video to show us what you can do with kids 

Arlene Pellicane 

Yeah it’s things you can do around the house and you know what you may be in this time where you’re more flush with cash because you haven’t gone out and spent it so it’s kind of like lots of presents this year or you might be the opposite that it’s been man this has been just such a tough year economically how we’re going to do this so I’m going to share this free things you can do around the house just to make the holidays kind of special so my one of my daughters I have a sixth grader and a 9th grader and an 11th grader and for those of you with little kids I promise you I know you hear this all the time you blink and all the sudden they will be giants so just even though you feel like you’re going to pull your hair out enjoy them it’s such a great stage when you have your kids with you so for the kids just that they would love to sing so my daughter especially loves to sing and one of the disappointments of this year I’m not going to show this video yet let me keep talking and then I’ll show it and then one of the disappointments this year she was going to be in a school play she’s going to be Mufasa in the Lion King this is super exciting she’s in sixth grade you finally get a lead role and then of course that was canceled so you know what we’re not going to sing circle of life but we are we will gather and we’ll just sit underneath the Christmas tree and we will sing and you know and it’s so simple but singing is so good for the mood and good for your emotions and it’s such a beautiful memory so dim the lights in your house light some candles sit by the tree sing your favorite Christmas carols is something so easy to do and you could even do it like every night after dinner maybe the few nights leading up to Christmas something like that something you can do with candy canes instead of just handing them out to your kids you can take a pack of of small candy canes and then maybe while they’re sleeping you can hide them all throughout the house and then in the morning you can have on a scavenger hunt for candy canes something like that and for your older kids you can hide them that you no more so during the day so when they’re doing something and you know you’ll figure it out how to hide how to hide them but then turn off all the lights and then do it in the dark so do the candy cane scavenger hunt in the dark only using little flashlights maybe bring a little glow stick for making it super challenging or you know the light on their phones so these are just such simple ways you can kind of bring excitement into okay here we are again same thing when you open your Christmas gifts you know when you open your gift it’s so exciting but it’s like over like that so you could make up a little rhyme scheme or even just clues of where they could find their gift so maybe the gift has been under the tree this whole time but Christmas morning they wake up and then where’s my gift you know maybe you’ve got hidden in the shower or you hidden i’t in the laundry room or whatever and then you have like little clues and this is really fun whether your child is or whether your child is 2 or you know whether your child is 15 you can still do this with your little kids I remember when our daughter Lucy she loved Violet which was this little LeapFrog little dog purple dog that would talk to her and you know all this stuff she loved Violet and one year we took Violet on Christmas Eve and we re-wrapped her and we put a bicycle helmet on her and like little wristbands and made her little biker violet and that was one of my most fun things was to watch my two-year-old open up her beloved violet she was like Violet how do you get in there into my Christmas present biking helmet on to that outfit and I was like that was like the best idea ever so with your little kids you can honestly take their beloved toys and like do something to them dress them up have them hold something funny like do something funny and wrap it up and they’ll open it and they’re so delighted and they think it’s so funny so that was one thing that I liked and so in this video I’m going to show you these are my girls were so big now Noel and Lucy and they’re just going to show us how to make a snowflake with a piece of paper and scissors so if you right now maybe sitting your desk want to grab a piece of paper and a pair of scissors you can make your way to merry right now and make your first snowflake that this is something really easy you can do with your young kids and with your teenagers and your teenagers to make a ton of them and decorate their room with them so we’ll watch the video now hello and say we’re going to learn how to make a now what you going to do so now we have square and you’re going to hold it and next what you’re going to do is we’re going to take one side and fold it so it goes like so it’s fine straight line right there and take the other side same thing so now you have something that looks like it like this. You’re going to do just like that now so what you want to do is that’s good. You can cut a little bit off there, you can unwrap it and see what it looks like that’s very beautiful do you can make lots of variation by how you cut inside 

Jessica Hartschorn

Those are so beautiful 

Arlene Pellicane 

Yeah so something so easy so easy even people that are craft challenge like me can follow along and do that 

Jessica Hartschorn 

You can hang them in the window, it’s kind of meditative making cutting out snowflakes Juliana I know you have three kids as well do you know some ideas for things we can do during break?

Julianna Miner

 Yeah I do I have to say Arlene I love your idea around free fun and I’m I’m someone who’s always like collected free fun for our family at various stages and you know it in some ways easier when they were younger because they would always be so happy just to go to the playground you know that would be a huge reward now we have to add it a little more creative with the older ones especially to get them all on board with something but my favorite free fun for the holidays has been go-cups of hot chocolate carols or holiday music on the car radio and we drive around and look at Christmas lights like excessively and we just make it a whole thing and the internet is really great at telling you places and neighborhoods and cul-de-sacs that go really crazy for it but it has been so much fun for us to do over the years and it’s something that we really look forward to and all it costs is the gas so that’s something that we enjoy doing I also love it when my kids use the internet particularly Tik Tok this year as a tool to find find new interests and learn new things their tips learn hacks and I really encourage them to find things that they see that they want to try like not exploding bottles of Dr. Pepper or anything but you know like crafts or cooking recipe recipes that have come out of that we have done some amazing things with Ramen as a result of Tik Tok no more dancing though I put my foot down we’re not doing any more dancing but one really cool craft that my daughter found she sent it to me and she said it would be kind of cool if we make this and I was like yeah we do so I’m going to pull up a picture up in 1 minute and bear with me because I’m not super good at this and it is I didn’t know if you can can you guys see it I don’t know if can you see it okay so it is a little toilet paper Christmas tree ornament or just you know a toilet paper thing if you don’t celebrate Christmas and it’s decorative string white felt and we used brown paper drinking straws and I think we spent maybe $6 on all of the fabric marker but you can use a Sharpie and everybody has a Sharpie laying around and I think we spent $6 on supplies and we need 20 or 30 of them and they were just really cute so we made them my daughter has given them to all of her teachers and to her grandparents and you know we just had we had a good time with it and I think it was an opportunity also especially for my youngest to kind of reflect on the ways that she could see things and then use that as inspiration to do things and it makes it much easier for me to allow time spent on something like Tik Tok or Instagram if the accounts that she’s following and the way that she’s interacting with it is to provide research for her creative inspiration for things that were actually tangibly doing especially if we can do them together 

Jessica Hartschorn

Those are all super fun ideas I love crafts my sister-in-law’s is making the hot chocolate bombs which I know are all over–

Julianna Miner

We’re doing that Christmas Eve! 

Jessica Hartschorn 

Those are amazing videos to watch. I’m kind of intimidated to make them so you’re doing them tonight? 

Julianna Miner 

So we’re doing them Christmas Eve so actually finding the molds to make the bombs is not easy and um none of them were available on Prime so and they’re expensive if you want to buy them like from a specialty place they’re like several dollars each they’re like five dollars each which seems a lot for one cup of cocoa so I ordered the molds and the supplies and they’re going to come in right before Christmas and because we can’t I mean generally on Christmas Eve we do things you know like we go to church and we visit with family and we can’t do any of those things so whether it’s successful or not we are going to make hot chocolate bombs on Christmas eve that’s the plan.  

Jessica Hartschorn 

I mean, it’s going to be great. 

Juilanna Miner

Yes

Jessica Hartschorn

And also, having like driving around to see the lights are on my bucket list That’s on my list of things that we’re going to do this year. We usually don’t, but um this year’s seems like a really good year to do that. I think we have a video from PBS kids to show about another idea, um, a snowstorm in a bottle idea this is similar snow globe craft that to Julianna’s point, it is cheap, you have a mason jar, sequins and glitter, I feel like I always had when I was a young kid I used glycerine um to make this snow globe work. But it’s a cute video on PBS kids, it has a lot of craft ideas, so can we show them that video. I think those are cute crafts, there’s so many different things you can make, right, um, if you can’t get outdoors and entertain yourself better, like I often just go to the outdoors just because it’s the only way to separate my kids from the computer. Dr. Laura, do you have any other idea? 

Laura Markham 

Yes, I do. I love your focus of getting outdoors because we know the research shows us that when you spend time outdoors you’are in a better mood and I agree with you that it is, if you can turn off phones you know not using your phones while you are outdoors, then your getting the opportunity to connect that you don’t get most of the time when you are at home. Um I don’t I love all of the ideas that have been shared, I want to put in a plug for rough housing specifically for any activity that brings laughter so you know with little kids it’s so easy you pick them up, you throw them around, you chase them around the house, you put them on your back and you are the bucking frog they laugh and it changes their body chemistry, literally reduces the stress hormones, increases the body hormones, you laugh at someone you are connecting with them and even with older kids you know with teenagers if people are fitting around glum you know everybody is a little tired or a little spaced out have from so many screens or whatever start a pillow fight just pick up a couple of pillows off your couch throw at one another, one kid at another one and you know a pillow fight will start and everybody will claps laughing you know 10 minutes later and again you’ll have bonded during this and I know you said that you have done enough dancing to Tik Tok Julianna which I get, but I think family dance parties were you can always get people laughing or also wonderful way to bond and you can sing while you do it which is true that singing always lifts the mood. So I am a big fan of roughhousing of any kind of being outside we talked about cooking but I love the adult thing idea that you know kids need to learn how to cook things and so during the holidays when it is a great time for kids to choose shifts in a sense somebody has Thursday nights somebody else has Friday night and they work with a parent so it’s a great bonding opportunity but the parent is the sue chef not chef and the kid is taking the lead on the meal with of course without their approval they cannot just make cupcakes but there does have to be some agreeing for instance, but the parent is the sue chef and the child is taking the lead that they wanted to make and then the final thing is that I would love to see if families consider is a focus on giving back in some ways this has been a super hard year for everybody and it’s easy to feel like we didn’t get everything we wanted, needed or expected this year every single one of us most of the families have some grieving to do either from someone that they know well or someone that they knew distantly or simply from the life that it didn’t happen, you know the soccer travel  that didn’t happen and the graduation that didn’t happen at all and all of that I think, honor and agree that grief is important, but one of the ways we didn’t work through that grief to put into context is by connecting with our communities and giving back and that’s possible even during a pandemic like that we can introduce the idea with kids that if they are little kids they can be kind, if they are older kids you know if they are kids let’s say what would you like to do, deliver meals to seeing your senior citizens who are homebound because of COVID would you like to you know make them a handmade card would you like to stuff stockings for kids in the shelter would you like to something like write a thank you letters to people who have been important in your life you know the research shows that when kids write letters thank you letters they are not only happier that day when they write them but a few months afterwards the child writes the letter is happier. I think that I’ve been happier having received some of those people who have received them are happier too. So I think there are all kinds of ways there are so many ideas online even during COVID of ways that families can bond while they are giving back to their communities, that kids you know after the holidays when they look back often I think what kids will say is ya the thing I like best is when I work with mom or dad and did that thing which was so good for someone else. 

Jessica Hartschorn

That is super sweet. I love the idea of writing thank you notes or a thank you you know I mean early on this year a lot of people sent thank yous to the essential workers in their windows you know we can continue things like that and mailing specific letters to first responders and the rough housing is super funny. I have little nieces, they are 7 and 4 they this is kind of involving screen but they call me on my facebook messenger for kids app and they perform a circus for me, and you know it’s a lot of me watching their before roles, they went over and over again. But kids love that, kids love being active and they love you to watch them and even if you are tempted to be like I am just going to be on Instagram or Twitter and explore roles that work for them right that the fact that you are watching them, it’s very important. Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek I feel like probably you have things to add to all this. O’you know we are probably going to show gingerbread video, but I want to hear from you first then we are going to see the gingerbread video. 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

Sure sure and by the way Kathy is good enough no need of the Dr. in front you know it’s just a person to person. But you know it seems to me we’ve heard a lot of really great stuff today about things you can do. I am kind of loving the giving back I know you know my kids were asked to do little thank you videos since they are so little 3 and 5 they loved making them and everyone enjoyed getting it and Arlene talking about the music I mean that was so so cool too and the snowflakes and you know what we’ve got from Juliana. I guess you can put in a pile you know it’s like we’ve had the putting together things and so that can be anything from helping to build the shelf that just came from IKEA to drawing things. Which include what we do if we wanted to invent our own books or make a card if we want holiday cards or giving back making things which can be like we also just did in the kitchen we haven’t really talked about much is the solving of problem things like you know there are lots of things that kids think are problems that sometimes we don’t know about like what’s an easier way to make your bed if you have to make your bed or did you ever notice that there’s this like last drop of that always ends up in your glass I mean how do you create a glass so that there’s no last drop you can find out what to do in fact tinkerings are very big thing right now and what a lot of us have around are cardboard boxes these are biggies by the way they can make forts taxi cabs they can make towers they can make skyscrapers amazing things you can do with cardboard boxes just choosing your imagination and there’s a new website called Do It which is telling you how to use all that cardboard and all the rolls you get from the paper towels and toilet paper just to tinker and make something that’s never been made before for older kids you can even practice with the radio that hasn’t worked for a really really long time but there’s one other big point I do want to make and that is that we are adding a lot of activities in this forum for children to do and you know what our kids really need to learn how to be bored the great the great of the world have figured out what to do with their time they haven’t always had it scheduled by a CEO parent who feels the need to be there to make every moment count the moments that count more are not those that are going to create the worker bees of the next generation but the moments that are going to create the entrepreneurs for the next generation so if you want to learn to be an entrepreneur turn off the screen maybe turn off your cell phone so you are not a model like I couldn’t agree more with Laura and say figure it out figure out what you want to do and lets see if for 10 minutes then 15 then for 20 they can enjoy those moments of thinking and imagining a world they could never have dreamed about before.   

Jessica Hartschorn

That is 100% true I love it thank you We do have a video for budding architects on how to make a gingerbread house my nieces I mentioned earlier made one from Costco over the weekend you can go buy of course you can also go ahead and try to really make a gingerbread house this video is from Dr. Larry Rosen who is from the Children and Screens board so he is one of our board members he made it specially for this webinar ….

 

Jessica Hartschorn

Very cute, alright. Our next thing on the agenda here. I thought that Arlene’s idea of wrapping up one of your kids favorite toys and having a new outfit on it or they have on it was so brilliant for like a toddler or preschooler. What I think gets trickier when your kid is in the seven, eight, nine all those kids is getting gifts that are not screened. The guide is always no screen required.

 

Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra

Yeah I think we can just go on to our next question, right? And So I think one of the questions was what were some gifts that you thought you might give to, you know that parents could give to their kids this year that would be something that would be experiential or something special. So I guess since, who hasn’t gone first? Okay, Julianna go ahead.

 

Julianna Miner

Well as I mentioned I have older kids and this, I think, would be good advice and wish I’d gotten it when they were a little younger. This is a great year, I think, to invest in a basketball hoop or if you can get your hands on a trampoline, a trampoline. We were gifted one when my kids were younger and I cannot tell you the number of times, we were fortunate that we had room to put it, where I would be like get out and go jump for 10 minutes and then you can come back in. But a basketball hoop, it’s a great year for that. A skateboard, it’s a great year for a skateboard. Make sure you get the pads and the helmets. And I look forward to you arguing with your children about the need to wear them. But yes a skateboard is great because that’s something especially older kids you know, you’re not a dork if you’re out skateboarding you know what I mean it’s like a cool kid thing to do but they’re outside. Nerf guns, speaking to what Dr. Markham said, don’t tell my kids but I’m buying five huge Nerf guns and tons of ammo so that all of us can do it and my kids will periodically do that. They had some silly string they went nuts on each other with silly string outside but it was a way for them to get a little crazy. Get some of their aggression out but in like a fun way. Another one and I know that this is screen related but a lot of teenagers are going to love getting Spotify Premium and one of the things that I like about that is it gives them the opportunity to explore lots of different kinds of music. You could also do Apple Music, get a family subscription but I like to do that with the understanding that they’re going to make me playlists. Like I love to get playlists from them because I’m an old lady now who wears Walmart jeans and comfortable shoes so I don’t know what’s cool and you know my kids have good taste in music and so I’m learning so much stuff about new artists and you know it’s awesome. It also gives you real insight into where your kids are at when you are hearing stuff that they’re listening to all the time. You know we used to spend so much time in the car so I could hear the songs that they were picking and get that little peak into their brains and their well-being that way. We’re not in the car anymore I mean barely at all so that’s an opportunity for us to share things back and forth. But yeah that’s what I- oh the other thing I’m doing, again don’t tell them if you see them, is and this is still available on Amazon you can buy inflatable reindeer headbands that are actually ring toss games, right? So you blow up the headbands and you put it on your heads you have antlers and then you toss rings to land on the antlers and I’m pairing it with enormous reindeer onesies. So we’re going to look real dumb, real dumb.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

These are amazing gift ideas.

Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra

Okay, that is really fantastic and since I see Kathy you’re next.

 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

Well hi, I really love so many of these ideas that have already been put out. It’s just trying to think of the things that are a little bit different. So here are a couple. Anyone here remember the good old-fashioned family games? You know, they’re actually great and when you play them with your kids and they can be played with kids of all ages. Well, the little guys still like Candyland. I’ve never really totally understood that one but I know that they’re fixated with it. But the little guys can play along with some of these games and it’s really so much fun. So I’ll go with family game night. I’m a big fan of construction toys. I love construction toys of all sorts. They can come in the train variety, they can come in the various block varieties, they can come- By the way for older kids in robotics kits right now you can actually build robots and you can build these cool snails that go along a line and you can watch as you learn to program as you go along. That’s really a lot of fun. I also really love acting. I guess I have theater in my heart, Pam and I share that, and for younger kids how many of you out there have a costume drawer? You know the good old-fashioned costume drawer. Do you know kids love to pretend they’re anything else and by the way it helps them get through a lot. I had one family that called me this year originally from San Francisco and they had moved to an island area and the little kid was scared to death. His three-year-old would not leave the side of his parents, would not leave like Velcro child okay? Some of you have probably experienced that before. I said hm, who is the most famous person in his life or non-person in his life a character from a TV show and they said it’s Paw Patrol and I said okay let’s pick a character from Paw Patrol and let’s invent a script. We invented a script together and who do you think was going to turn out to be the hero of the scripted episode? The child. All you really need to do to learn narrative form is give your kid a choice of: here are the settings we have, here are the characters we put in your story, here’s the conflict, you come  up with the resolution. The child did and guess what? Now the child feels safe again because that child is in control and became one of the heroes of his own story. Drawings is another big thing- by the way don’t leave out charades, charades are great family time activity. Drawing, even young kids you may not recognize that those little lollipops are a family portrait but they are. My only advice to you as parents is when you see your young child’s drawing don’t say wow that’s a really cool- fill in the blank. Ask them what it is and let them tell you lest you be just like the little prince where every adult said it’s a hat and he of course knew it was a boa constrictor who swallowed an elephant. For older kids let them try their hand at pastels, at oil paints, at charcoal, at sketching. They will have a wonderful time discovering or maybe rediscovering the Leonardo DaVinci that they have inside. Finally I wanted to put out magic kits little kids love magic kits and they love to learn how to do it. And They’re really fun as a family activity and then of course if we’re ever with people again you can show off all your magic tricks. Alright that’s what I have.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

Thank you for some gift ideas. Arlene, do you have any gift ideas to add?

 

Arlene Pellicane

Yeah I have a few things and some of them have already been said I’m going to show you. So you can use coupons so I’m still on my free kick okay? But you know how some of you might be familiar with Dr. Gary Chapman’s five love languages, that we feel love in different ways. So for instance some kids feel love through time that when you spend quality time with them they feel like wow I feel so loved. Others like words of affirmation so they would love a note from you right? So for instance a coupon for a time person, an ice cream date let’s say you have two kids ten kids whatever but you just you and that one kid going out give them a coupon that I’m going to take only you out and that time person is really going to love that. For the older kids maybe it’s a coffee date. A chores pass, maybe your kids have a weekly chore they have to vacuum the house or they clean the bathroom. If they get a chore pass, get out of chores free, I think they’re going to like that. A board game pass, same idea, sometimes by this time we might be sick of playing board games but your kids hands you a pass okay let’s play this board game one more time. A favorite meal like there’s something it’s got to be something you know how to cook but something that you make that’s your kid’s favorite and then you allow your kid to use their coupon and say mom dad I want you to make my favorite meal on Tuesday. Fast food fix this is the idea that there are some fast food places probably that your children have never ever gone to okay? So sometimes my kids laugh. They’ll say like I’ve never tried a wiener schnitzel or I’ve never had you know Del Taco or I’ve never had Arby’s and you know it’s not like they’re missing the world here. But to go somewhere they’ve never been they can use that coupon that’s kind of fun. For your older girls who like the mall you know going to the mall and saying hey here’s twenty bucks you can only spend this money if you’re with me if you’re with mom that that’s a fun coupon. Breakfast out you know for a lot of kids again it’s a way to get alone with your one child.  I think even though we’ve been spending a lot of time together when we are just with that one person it is a totally different dynamic. So that’s a fun thing. Massage is the idea like some of our kids, they love the five love languages and the physical touch. That was my daughter Lucy at two years-old she’d always break into the room huggy huggy huggy you know this is the kid that wants to sit on our lap this is the kid that loves to rough house this is the kid that wants her hair braided so a massage could be like shoulder massage could be tickling the feet you know whatever they like and then of course reading time. So getting you know cuddling up with your kids when they’re younger and even with your older kids to read you know a few pages of an interesting adventure those would be some fun things. So those are a few coupon ideas that you can use.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

These are cute gift ideas. Laura, do you have some to round out here?

 

Laura Markham

I do and some things have already been said which is great. I won’t tag onto those but I do love to focus always on connection and I realize that during COVID we’ve had a lot of connection. But we haven’t necessarily had a lot of deep discussion. So parent-child journals are a wonderful way to take any closeness you’ve built this year and continue it as you go into the coming year and they’re available for all ages. So you could start when they’re six and you know go right through the teen years and they’re available for dads as well as for moms. There are a lot of them online or you could just take any notebook and pass it back and forth. So when you find it under your pillow it’s your chance to turn it around quickly write something back to your child and as long as you are you play it pretty cool and you don’t get overexcited with the kinds of things your child asks you or shares with you. They’re testing you often in the beginning and if you can take that stuff in stride then they’ll get into the deeper things that are bothering them or that they’re really looking to talk to you about. Things that you child would never talk to you about in person they’ll often bring up in a journal. Coupons I love the ones that we just I was listening to Arlene and thinking yep massages foot massages are the best any massage chore pass absolutely and think in terms of parent child experiences that your child might want to have with you. Hot chocolate carafes for walks. For you to do together and also for them to go with their friends to meet up with their friends in the park for socially distanced connection. A letter of appreciation. I can’t tell you the number of kids over the years who I have suggested to the parent that the parents write the child a letter and later it turned out that the child took that letter that they read it over and over again throughout their teen years took it to college with them that they read it during low moments. Children really take in the love we give them in words on paper. It sustains them. So that’s a gift that your child will treasure forever. There’s a- there are a lot of cards and other ways of having table topics. Teen table topics is the name of a game that’s basically cards to ask kids questions. You can also just make up questions on my website. There are 250 questions to ask your child to get a conversation going but teen table topics makes it very easy because you know you just have cards and you pull them out and you have a conversation. Again it’s a way to connect at a deeper level. And The worry eater is just a lovely stuffed animal with a little zipper in it and your child can write things down that they’re worried about and put them inside the zipper and zip it up and you can read them and again things that children might not bring up to you verbally they might be hesitant to bring something up. But they might put it in the worry eater and that gives you a chance to support them in learning skills and strategies to overcome that worry. I won’t go over each of the games listed in the game part of my slide but I will say that cooperative games I love some of the tried and true games that have always been out there and I love charades. Some of these cooperative games really are great for kids for siblings to bond with a positive experience and all of these games help kids work together in teams and in solving problems together. And The first few games on this list are also great for helping give kids more emotional literacy. So that they’re more able to express their feelings, talk about their feelings and also develop empathy for others. So you can see that it goes all the way from you know feelings and dealing for three to six year-olds. Mindfulness Matters teaches kids strategies that are good right through the teen years. Again Totem is actually a very fun game and it can be played from seven year-olds to adults. People don’t get bored with it. And The Spark game is about telling a story together that you invent together so it’s also great for bonding. So I’m a big fan of games and I think there are games you know kids are getting bored with family game night then it might be time to invest in new kinds of games that actually create some excitement beyond the game itself that has to do with the connection with family members going into new places together.

Jessica Hartschorn

Excellent, one of our favorite games actually does involve the phone. We love HeadsUp where it’s you know like the headbands game you put I am whatever your character thing is and everybody has to give you hints and everybody has to guess who you are. Anyway but it does involve our phones. Which leads me to our next question like we’re talking about things that keep you away from the screen and away from your devices. But there are some things to do together as a family that involve a screen. So there is good screen time like as Arlene pointed out it’s sort of like the vegetable of screen time like watching a classic holiday movie together or like sharing the Spotify playlist like Julianna was talking about or our Heads Up game.Sometimes there is good screen time and such this is what I get a little bit tricked up in what you now I’m telling my kids like put down the phone okay pick up the phone because we’re going to play Heads Up. How do you sort of differentiate between your good screen time and your like junky screen time? Kathy, do you want to start with this one?

 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

Well I gave you a tough one but I still remember being equally confused when they told me there were good fats and bad fats like don’t you know watch out for the trans fats or whatever it was and I kept having to review it and review it. I think what we have to come to realize is that you know screens are tools okay? They’re not ends in of themselves. So the question we have to ask is what’s on the other side of that tool and are we using the tool to promote human to human connection or are we using the tool to create solo time and that’s actually pretty much how I would make the division. Is it okay to have solo time? Yeah it sure is I like some time alone too. But I think our kids are getting too much of it and I think COVID has out on the headlines how much people need people and how much we are a social species that need to connect as I think Laura would say as well. We’re missing connection. So if the screen time connects I’m all for it if the screen time doesn’t connect you know I’m really not. Let’s get off it and let’s start looking into each other’s eyes and lets think of it like the chocolate cake the veggies and the fiber and maybe we should just choose a little bit more veggies and fiber in our diet and try not to have as much chocolate cake even though we’re all food.

 

Arlene Pellicane

You know Jessica I was visiting a college campus once and this college student had their phone and then a little journal the exact size of the phone rubber banded to it and I was like what is that? Why do you do that? He said what I do is I write down in my little journal like going or like text or buy shoes and then he does and then he does it on his phone so the idea that he’s trying to make a habit for himself is that when he uses his phone he knows exactly what he is going to do with it. Then he puts it back in his pocket. I was like you’re going to be a CEO one day like that’s really smart. So I think one thing for all of us is just if we can go online with purpose and we know then it’s not so confusing like you said I couldn’t now you said I could you said you know it’s like okay now we’re going to go online to play this. Okay now we’re going to go on Amazon to buy these shoes. Now we’re going to watch this movie together. So before that iPad is picked up it’s okay I’m going to play this game for thirty minutes. It’s like stated this is what I’m going to do with this device and then it really has to be enforced and that’s what we as parents are well you said that’s that. So if we kind of get into that rhythm of before we pick up the phone, before we pick up an iPad, before we log on, etc. that we can state this is what I’m here to do and then it kind of shows us. So I think purpose and actually saying it out loud and even for little kids wouldn’t that be cool if your little kid said I’m going to watch Paw Patrol and then I’m going to do something else right? And that’s a muscle that they’re using.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

These are great like making it collaborative or at least saying it out loud or why you’re going on the screen helps make it; makes sure that you’re doing good screen time that can be good screen time. Laura do you have anything to add to good screen time? How to know it’s good?

 

 

Laura Markham

I think I don’t need to add anything else. I think what has been said is great. Parents know in addition to connection which is always my first thing I would say creativity; always a great thing that you can use screens for learning, always a great thing and we know the difference parents know what the differences are.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

Julianna, do you have anything to add?

 

 

Julianna Miner

I really feel like Kathy is right about connection. If it’s fostering connection maybe we have to lighten up a little bit like co-viewing videos or co-playing video games. Those things maybe if we were a little bit tighter on our limits when the weather was better or pre-COVID we have to look at those as opportunities for connection especially with their peers that they might not be getting somewhere else. Particularly with video games I think we might need to get into our kids head and their space a little bit to really understand why they’re playing. I think it speaks to Arlene’s point about having them articulate why they need more time. My son plays a lot of video games. He’s a teenager but it’s also because we just moved and that’s his connection with his friends from home and they are co-playing. I mean this notion that somehow your gamer is by them playing by themselves in a basement completely isolated it’s just not true. Almost all the games that kids are playing on consoles like Xbox and PlayStation are multiplayer games and they’re engaging with their friends. Now I mean keep an eye on how long and what they’re saying and the type of games but there is connection happening there. And I think as long as they can articulate why they’re using it, what you know they’re getting out of it, and have some reasonable limits I don’t know that it’s a terrible thing. And Especially if they’re not getting outside or they’re not able to spend that social time. I think it might be okay to give them a little more wiggle room.

 

Jessica Hartschorn

Yeah I know what you mean. My 15 year-old definitely that’s where he’s meeting his friends like there’s no school happening that’s where his friends are. I’ve been trying to be really cognizant of when the good friends log on because I have noticed like others like you know Tommy comes on after 7 and Calvin comes on you know even later than that. No one’s on in the morning so trying to have this conversation about like why don’t you log on when you know your good friends are on and otherwise. But these are all tricky conversations trying to convince your kids to walk away for a little bit. We want to just kind of because we’ve been talking we’ve been mixing all ages into this here talking about a couple tips for specific ages and stages. I don’t know if we want to go, obviously babies we can leave out of this for now we’ll leave the babies alone. But starting with even toddlers who have tablets and preschoolers I guess we’re just looking for a tip to you know something else to do with each age. Does anybody want to start with  the youngest youngest youngest? Is anybody feeling passionate about the youngest kids? Kathy? 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

Hey well I’m a youngest kid kind of person and I think it’s often because the kids don’t have they don’t know what else they can do. I think sadly what’s happened is that it’s got a name it’s called technoference. It is that we constantly as adults pick up the tablet or we pick up the phone and we cut out attention to our child because obviously that’s the most important thing in the room is our tablet or our phone or our computer. That’s what we’re teaching our children. So I think at the very youngest ages what we really need to do is show them the alternatives and let them know it’s okay and part of that, this is going to be a hard one to hear folks, is that little kids are messy. Little kids get up and they zoom around and what we don’t need to do all the time is give them some elixir to keep them still because it’s not what they do. Did you know by the way that when babies first walk, when they really get it down, did you know that they walk the equivalent of seven football fields a day? That’s how they develop muscles. So sitting down on a couch that’s going to have consequences later on. So I say let’s go for some of those other toys. Let’s show them the alternatives and then they will figure out what to do when they’re bored when they’re twelve and thirteen. 

Jessica Hartschorn

That’s great! Now when you get into like preschoolers and kindergarten age they get real love for their storylines and their characters and their Paw Patrol and their Bluey. You know some of these shows get super addictive to them and trying to transfer that over to toys can be a challenge. Does anybody have some advice for that preschool kindergarten age? 

Laura Markham

Well if you only watch a screen certain times a day if you’re three, four, or five then those are the times of day that you would expect it. If you’re allowed to watch a screen whenever you’re bored then you’ll say you’re bored a lot, right? So I think parents just have to decide how much they think is okay and what time of day and again like dessert I really like it at four o’clock or five o’clock after a full day of a good meal of being outside running around. You know three-year- olds still like the messy play in the sense of sensory play. You know every three or four-year-old needs a place they can go in their house and if you have a tiny apartment then maybe you set it up in the bathroom you know and it’s only there for certain hours of the day. But someplace where you can actually play with water and bubbles and sand and spaghetti that you parent has dropped a few drops of food coloring in and you’re mixing up the colors and there’s so many ideas for sensory boxes and bags online that parents can do with very little investment and very little time and children love them. They need to explore with their hands, they need to build things with blocks right? And they will do all those things; three-, four-, and five-year olds if we set it up for them and encourage them. You can even, you know there’s a term strewing, when they get up in the morning maybe there’s something strewn around artfully. Everything else is on its shelf or where it belongs but there are a few things strewn around that you know will engage your child’s interest and kids absolutely yes of course screens are mesmerizing but if they find something strewn around that leads them in a certain direction they’re like oh this looks cool to play with. Something they haven’t thought about in months, right? So it can sometimes take a little time and attention to think about in advance but then kids are busy even to otherwise beg for screens kids can stay busy with something three-year-olds four-year-olds for an hour. Which most parents know that that’s a long time for a three or four-year-old to stay totally focused on something and not asking to watch a screen. Then you know after that hour you’ll have to get involved again and do something else with them but that gives you a little bit of time that you just bought 

1:17:28

Jessica Hartschorn

I love that idea. There’s a blog called Days with Gray that we sometimes look at just let you know setting something up at night for them to come down in the morning and there’s something interesting out to look at. Yeah it can kind of absorb them for a while so you don’t go straight to morning television. Having scheduled TV time or showtime or YouTube time is super important. Arlene, do you have ideas for your school age going into middle school? Sometimes kids can be crafty and interested in cooking. 

Arlene Pellicane

Yes so I have an elementary school child and she loves animals and so I think four years ago we got a puppy. So you know we didn’t get the COVID puppy but we got a puppy and that’s been so good. So whether it’s a big thing like a dog because that’s a big responsibility and so my goodness if you get a puppy under the tree that is a big year. So it could obviously be much smaller it could be a hamster it could be I had a friend that got a frog I mean it could be anything. But truly for many kids a little pet you know depending on what your threshold is for cat hamster guinea pig whatever iguana whatever you kid likes could be a really beautiful christmas gift and we really during the pandemic just thought my daughter loves horses but you know we’re not gonna go buy a horse or anything like that but we honestly just thought let’s look around us in our community and for us we asked our church like does anyone know anyone with horses? From that we got a place that we could come to a ranch once a week and my daughter Lucy helps and she helps groom the horse and picks up the poop and does these things. Then she gets to ride and they’ve been teaching her to ride. So we’ve been going once a week since June to this ranch and it has been a lifeline. So you never know in your community if you start asking around can my child volunteer at such and you know the ranch was perfect it’s all outdoors you know it’s all the space you can think of. So get creative with that to make a connection with something that your kids love and then for my older kids and I’ll put this in the chat my son like Julianna’s loves Nerf guns and he loves to modify Nerf guns. So he takes them and adds scopes to them and he makes them more powerful and there’s this website called Outofdarts.com. All they do is sell parts for your Nerf gun. So as your kids get older they can still use their nerf guns they just soup them up really good so that’s Outofdarts.com. Then my daughter loves to play magic tricks with cards. So she loves the deck of cards that’s so beautiful and so crisp and she loves having lots of I mean she has at least 30 decks of cards and each one is different. So that’s Artofplay.com and they have amazing puzzles, wooden games, all sorts of things so I’ll put those two sites in the chat. 

Jessica Hartschorn

Thank you. Julianna, do you want to have anything else to say about our teens?

Julianna Miner

I think one thing and it’s kind of a downer to bring up but our teens are seeing a lot we’re seeing big increases in, in declines I should say in well-being overall well-being and increases in self-reported depression symptoms and anxiety symptoms. So while I do think it’s important for kids to use their tech to stay connected to their friends just to foster connection, we really need to be touching base with them all the time about how they’re doing and doing mental health checks and as much as like the idea of them learning how to self-regulate their tech use and learning especially as they get older. And You know I have one that’s going to be going to college next year. We’re really trying to have her embrace, balance between have to’s and want to’s. So you know you can stay up a little later on your phone but the things that you have to do to get you have to’s done first. But as much as I want to promote self-regulation with teenagers and having them learn to moderate their own tech use and set their own limits. One thing that I don’t budge on it’s the biggest fight that we have in our house is not sleeping with the tech in your room and prioritizing sleep. So if any of you have been told or are feeling like the worst parent in the world I just want to reassure you that I am that person I am the worst and the meanest and I’m also the only one that doesn’t let their kids sleep with their iPhones. So I hope that makes you feel a little better but I mean they need sleep and the more sleep they get the easier it is for them to self-regulate. You know the less sleep they get the more impulsive their behavior is so it becomes this cycle. So they feel babied when I force them to get sleep but it is important for them to keep them on-   I’m a monster because I make them sleep with something that resembles circadian rhythms right? You sleep at night and you wake up in the morning and they’re like what? No that’s crazy I want to cook ramen in the kitchen and make a mess at 3am because I’m a teenager. No you have to sleep like a person and you have to charge your phone in the common area and they hate it but it’s good for them. So it helps them stay it helps their mental health and it helps their sort of resiliency and their emotional regulation and they’re not gonna like it but there you go  

Jessica Hartschorn

Yes I agree with all. Alright just one more quick question because we’re gonna try and wrap up. But is there like just name something merry about this coming couple weeks we got fifteen sixteen days left of this year. What is something merry for families to think about? Arlene..

Arlene Pellicane

 Well the merry thing that my kids are thinking of is we’re going skiing and my kids love to ski so that’s one way that they cannot be on a phone and ski at the same time. So you guys can but I don’t ski so they’re going to ski and I’m going to read and that’s going to be awesome 

Jessica Hartschorn

Laura? 

Laura Markham

I would say time with parents. You know I know that you if kids have been home going to school they’re spent time with parents but that’s been time that parents were forcing them through the schedule and online learning which has been so fraught. So just relax time with parents where parents can enjoy their children means the world to kids. 

Jessica Hartschorn

Yay! Kathy, what about you? Something merry 

Dr. Kathy Hirsch-Pasek

Yeah to me this is you know out of every disaster which we would all kind of think of 2020 as. It’s an age of opportunity and I couldn’t agree more with Laura on this. I think it’s for you know the pillow fights that you talked about Julianna. It’s time for jumping on beds remember jumping on beds doesn’t work so well on temperpedics but everywhere else. I mean we’re all getting tons and tons of stuff in boxes right now I don’t know about you guys but I have  so many boxes. But let’s make some forts, let’s make some obstacle courses, let’s take this age of opportunity for our kids and let’s really make something out of it that’s a memory because again 15 years from now they can talk about everyone was so busy. They didn’t even see each other when they were jailed up in their own home or they can talk about how they had the coolest time with their parents and do you know how imaginative my parents are. So that’s what I think is the coolest thing that can come out. 

Jessica Hartschorn

I love it. What about you Julianna? 

Julianna Miner

We’re looking forward to making and eating tons of great food together and Monday which is the Winter Solstice there’s gonna  be a convergence of Saturn and Jupiter for the first time in 800 years and you know there are some astrophysicists calling it the Christmas star. So we’re kind of jacked up about that. It feels like this cool symbolism of that is really beautiful and so we’re all kind of excited about it. We’re gonna do something we haven’t figured out what but it’s gonna be awesome. 

Jessica Hartschorn

Let’s go look at the sky. Let’s look at the snow. Look at the lights. Let’s just enjoy, right? We know what we’re in for we’ve been in this for months like let’s make the most of it. I keep saying that if I had known what this year was going to be I really could have embraced it more but so I know what this winter break is going to be. I’m gonna embrace it. We’re gonna make it fun. Thank you all so much for such an amazing hour and a half of ideas. I’m going to hand it back to Pamela now from Children and Screens

Pamela Hurst Della-Pietra

Thank you Jessica, Kathy, Arlene, Laura, Julianna, Larry and our other video contributors. This has been so wonderful and I’ve taken a lot of notes myself. Learn more from the experts on their social media, podcasts, books shown on your screen. We hope you are leaving in a festive spirit with a lot of imaginative ideas for spending time as a family. To continue learning about this topic visit our website where we have shared 12 tips for the holidays. We will also post a video of today’s webinar on our YouTube channel where we encourage you to which we encourage you to subscribe to and share with your fellow parents, teachers,  clinicians, researchers, and friends. For more from Children and Screens please follow us on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn at the accounts shown on your screen. For the first webinar of the New Year on Wednesday January 13th at noon we will focus on the digital divide and how individuals, schools and communities can work to close that gap. Stay tuned for more information about this and our other events in 2021. When you leave the workshop you’ll see a link to a short survey. Please click on the link and let us know what you thought of today’s webinar. We wish you a wonderful holiday season and a bright, fulfilled and healthy New Year. Bye, everybody.